I heard a comment yesterday on the radio. I admit I was only half-listening at the time. One of my favorite people, Alistair Begg, said something about, “…Spasms of enthusiasm swallowed up by chronic inertia.”
Bam!!! My life in an incomplete sentence! That’s me! It hasn’t always been me, but as of late it’s a sad but perfect description. Let me see if I can somehow boil the recent history down to set the scene.
First there was the flood that took our home and possessions seventeen months ago. Followed by the uncertainty of what are we going to do and where are we going to live? Living in a hotel and out of a suitcase for nearly a month was…interesting. God had a plan in a young family who owned a condo they were renovating and another one on the market. They offered a place to live so we could have time to re-group mentally and make a plan for next steps.
Next, my full time grant funded job ended. I knew that was coming and I really wasn’t worried. Since re-entering the job market in 1994 I really had not needed to look far to find a job through several unexpected transitions. These transitions included moving from Virginia back to Indiana to care for my dying father. Then, we moved from my family’s hometown to rural southern Indiana. Yet, I did not expect anything to be different this time. Besides, I reasoned, I have added more versatile experience and a master’s degree to my resume. I thought finding a job should be easy. Wrong!! Fifteen months later here I sit. Hence my current dilemma.
We own three vehicles and only one is running. Without a second income we are trying to keep our noses above water and that does not include additional expenses for vehicles or anything else at the moment. We are not destitute by any means, but we are on a tight budget with no real flexibility. The savings we kept following our Financial Peace University went shortly after the flood and has not been replenished.
Bottom line is my beloved needs the car to go to work. I have not really established relationships in our new community and not with anyone who lives nearby. So I am here in a nice condo with lovely views of greenery all day every day. Just me and Boss, the dog. Since we live miles from town there’s no place to really walk to where I might engage with other people.
I’m by nature a people person. I am energized being around other people. For all those times I wished I just had some ‘down time’ to re-group, relax, and do all those things I never have time to do. Well I have it now in massive quantity. Probably the worst discovery is realzing I don’t have that inner discipline, that ‘get up and go’ drive when I am alone all the time. I become swallowed up in the chronic inertia.
Yet as I reread what I have written, I know, that I know, that I know, God still has a plan in all of this. He allows everything in my life for my good and His glory. Yes everything! So I have to ask, “What am I missing here?” “What am I not learning?”
Is it: Joshua 1:7-9
7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. 9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Tyndale House Publishers. (2004). Holy Bible : New Living Translation.“Text edition”–Spine. (2nd ed.) (Jos 1:6-9). Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers.
I believe the truth in Isaiah 40:31
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Tyndale House Publishers. (2004). Holy Bible : New Living Translation.“Text edition”–Spine. (2nd ed.) (Is 40:31). Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers.
While I wait there remain those few spasms of enthusiasm and too many moments swallowed up by chronic inertia. But my hope rests in the knowledge that God promised He would never forsake me. He has a plan for my life in this new season. His timing is always perfect and my responsibility for now is Psalm 46:10
10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
Thursday 27 August 09 at 5:46 pm
Hello,
This is a moving post–you are writing about the real struggles of living a life with God in charge. Never underestimate the effect your heartfelt feelings and words have on the thought-world and the people who read them. In your quiet time, have you learned to meditate? Have you considered writing a book about your spiritual journey? You are here now for a reason; you will find it. Thank you for sharing so beautifully!
Tuesday 1 September 09 at 6:54 pm
To: notesalongthepath
Thank you for your kind encouragement. Yes, I do meditate on God’s Word and His creation in my lovely setting. I have considered writing and have taken steps toward honing my skills. I greatly appreciate your input.
Thursday 29 October 09 at 11:09 pm
I enjoyed reading your post. I have been living in that “nose just above the water” place for about 6 years now. The water is high and rising, but I am staying afloat just as you are as we look for God’s plan. I have a wordpress blog called On Wings but also I have another blog that goes into the most difficult year of my life and how God has blessed me by every part of it. It is at http://ticeonwings.blogspot.com/ if you are interested.
Monday 1 March 10 at 1:21 pm
Oh Susie, “spasms of enthusiasm followed by chronic inertia” is something that I won’t soon forget! I, too, feel that way sometimes. You’re a great writer, girl! Keep it coming! xoxox